Saturday

It's my Saturday and I look like a crazy person.  I still have my housecoat on OVER my clothes.  My hair is long past cuteness and I am seriously starting to resemble the infamous Cat Lady.  Only I have puppies.  Eight wonderfully cute puppies in my kitchen floor, enjoying this new discovery called solid food.  Oh dear, now the puppy poop won't be so cute.

I'm completely lazy today.  No effort, but guilty.  I have been awake and the central focus of a pity party since a little before six am..  I know what some of you are thinking, and yes I did have TWO beers last night during the superbowl.  I sort of slow down on the binge drinking during the bitter cold.  (Makes summer more enjoyable)... and since it was my 'friday night' I stayed up later than usual watching TV with the hubby.  But lately its 6 am on-the-dot every morning.  ...and I still can't get to work on time.

Point being ~ at what point did I grow up?  I missed it COMPLETELY.  I used to think, it hasn't happened yet.  I mean, listen to the people around you, Jeanne.  I've even disliked myself lately.  Ew, and I hate it when I don't like myself.  I like everybody.
I can no longer sleep half the day.  Perhaps its because deeply rooted in my old fashioned blood, is the knowledge that work must be done.  Thanks, Claud.  oh, and also that there is a reasonable amount of time to do it in.  And don't over-charge someone for work that you charge too much for yourself.  If that makes sense.  What I'm trying to say here is, I know better.  I don't have time for feeling sorry for myself, or reflecting on sensless woulda, coulda, shoulda crap.  I get up each day, forgive and start fresh ~ and forgive everyone all day for a change and see how much it takes out of you.  But still, do it anyway.  Its good for the soul.  I love fearlessly, not caring that each day could be my last... and helpfully.  There's no reason we can't all pitch in and get the work done in life so that each of us can enjoy sleeping til noon on our day off without the aforementioned guilt.
Do I feel like taking a shower now and putting on my makeup?  NO.  Do I care that I have no clean towels at the moment?  Yes.  Do I care that my husband needs clean work uniforms?  Unfortunately.  And as much as I feel like wo-ing and me-ing, I don't.  Now the downside to this: (husbands will love this)  I don't have alot to say when I'm feeling blue or down.  So, there has been alot of quiet time.  I just function through the motions of my day and try not to complain.  I have a good job.  Thank you, God.  I have a husband that works and doesn't drink EVERY day.  Thank you, God.  I have three beautiful, crazy, talented, spirited kids.  Thank you, God.  So its easy to see that I'm blessed.  I never doubt that part at all.  What I doubt is that any of my effort matters.  100% or 10% ~ I get the same reaction.  I confuse easily.  So you can understand my delimna morphing into depression from time to time.  There has never been anything wrong with having a bad day.  I just can't even enjoy those anymore.  Welcome to the Future. 
Guess I should go take a shower.  I smell bad from the constant nervous sweating the last week or so.  ( I know, I thought it was withdrawals from something, too.)  I haven't been drinking that much, remember?  I think I've just inherited bad nerves from the Hassell family.  Let's see, bad nerves, depression, confusion, sweats, perhaps I'm hitting menopause early and I'm not crazy at all.

Have a good day.  I am waiting patiently for mine to improve.  It will.  I'm cool like that.


JD